When You’re in a Dark Place and Feel the Urge to Quit. How do You Keep Moving Forward?

Not Quitting: Things I tell myself on the hardest, sometimes darkest moments or days, so I keep moving toward light.

There are days when the weight of everything you’re trying to accomplish feels heavy and dark. Where you feel as though you want to disappear.

It’s those times when the dreams you started with somehow feel impossibly far away. When the heavy tiredness, the doubt, and the whispers of ‘why bother...?’ seem to grow louder, often overriding your own, fragile belief in your ‘self’.

I know that place quite well, and maybe you do too. Once you’re in it staying upright, being motivated enough to move forward again can feel like trying to stand against a raging storm.

So how do we cope with these moments? I have a few things I tell myself, in addition to ‘…this too will pass…’ Or ‘…today you don’t have to move a mountain’.

My main thoughts are:

Acknowledging the darkness without letting it define me

I have no need to sugarcoat how I feel, although I have often done this in the past. There’s no need for toxic, over the top positivity. Today I am gaining the ability to give myself permission to say "This is hard. It hurts. I feel stuck." I’m able to acknowledge the weight of it, which doesn’t mean I’m giving up. It simply means I’m facing it – head on and that takes courage.

Honouring the struggle, doesn’t mean allowing it to define the person I am. I am not my worst day. I am not the voice urging that I quit. Because I am the one who steers course and makes it through every single hard moment that has gone before. And, I remember ‘…this too shall pass…”

Taking a step back to see the bigger picture

When I’m in the eye of the storm I find that my vision tends to narrow. When the feeling of being swamped, totally overwhelmed hits, in that nano second I feel like this moment is everything. But, as I recover my balance and take that moment to ‘zoom out’ I begin to see that moment as simply a point in a much bigger landscape or tapestry. I see what I’ve already overcome? I can see my future self achieving the things I want to do. That old urge to quit feels like the only option simply because I’m too close and can’t see past my immediate struggle. So I try to visualise myself forward, an hour, a day, a week six months or even a year, and I see why staying upright and walking forward is so important.

Small Wins, Not Big Leaps

When the mire feels impossible I can now take the smallest of steps. I forget the mountain and remind myself to take one step at a time. One foot in front of the other – a bit like my mantra on a long walk home from the supermarket with two heavy bags of food! Do what I can. Keep moving forward. My destination will come into sharper focus! And so the same with those heavy, dark moments, I choose one little thing that I can do, like drink a glass of water, step outside and breathe in the air for 5 minutes, or whatever.

Momentum is built in such small and seemingly insignificant moments, not grand gestures. Even on the worst days, tiny steps are still movement.

Borrow strength from others

And I have realised, perhaps later in life, I don’t have to do this alone. I can reach out to friends who believe in me and allow their strength to somehow hold me up for a moment.

And it may not even be someone I know. It can be the casual friendly remark or smile, from a passer-by that helps to draw a new strength from within. It reminds me that humans have the immense inner capacity to rise, even when it feels impossible.

And I remember quitting isn’t necessarily the answer, but ‘pausing’ a moment just might be!

There are times as I explore what feels like wanting to quit, is actually the need to take a rest. It’s a time to let go and not force myself to keep going just because I think I "should." Take a break, take a breath, take the time I need to pause for a moment.

Pausing is definitely not the same as quitting.

Darkness and struggle never lasts forever. Winter always turns to spring. So even if this moment, this day today feels heavy and unbearable, there’s a version of me, or you in the future who is deeply grateful that I (you) didn’t give up.